


How Does Nick Fury Spend His Monday Afternoons

by prettycheese21



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Dancing, Gen, Humor, Nick Fury is Not Amused, Sneaky Nick Fury, Sneaky Phil Coulson, Spice Girls References, or At Least an Attempt at Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2679080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettycheese21/pseuds/prettycheese21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick Fury has a secret. Phil Coulson finds out. It's more surprising, and a lot more interesting, than he originally thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Does Nick Fury Spend His Monday Afternoons

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, this is my first piece of work on this website. I'm very much open to constructive criticism, so review away and let me know what you think. Enjoy and please, leave a comment or a kudos or whatever when you're done. It would be very much appreciated and help me out when it comes to what I choose to write about :)  
> This is based off of a bland marvel headcanon I found on Tumblr.  
> Anyways, I'm done rambling.  
> Enjoy my attempt at humor!  
> Remember dear readers, I don't own the Marvel characters, though I think we all sometimes wished we did.  
> 

Based off of the Bland Marvel Headcanon: Coulson has walked in on every SHIELD agent singing into something (Shoe, hairbrush, etc.). It’s the one thing he has on Nick Fury.  
Link to Headcanon: http://blandmarvelheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/102399224847/coulson-has-walked-in-on-every-shield-agent

 

Every Monday afternoon, right at noon, Nick Fury booked Conference Room 1 for an hour. There are very specific orders to not disturb him except for any of the following:  
-The world is ending.  
-The world is going to end in less than hour and can only be stopped by him.  
-Anyone is going out to pick up food from that Chinese place down the road, in which case, he’ll have a Spring Roll with a side of Chow Mein.

  
The only one who ever defied this order was none other than Phil Coulson. And it wasn’t for the reasons one might think. He did it out of pure curiosity. You see, Phil Coulson is a very curious person, contrary to popular belief. While he is obedient, he does have a pet peeve of not knowing why things are as they are, hence why he is always in the know.

  
This is due to a previous incident that involved his surprise birthday party. Everyone was extremely secretive around him, which lead Phil to believe that they were plotting an attack against SHIELD. Let’s just say he found out about the party through two intense interrogations and one use of an experimental truth serum. After that, no one kept anything from Phil… ever.

  
So, being Fury’s right hand man, he knows about Fury’s little habit, but not what it was. So, one particularly boring Monday, he decided to find out once and for all what went on in that room. As he made his way down the hallway, he came up with three theories as to what he could be doing in there:  
1\. Meeting with his secret girlfriend (or boyfriend; Coulson has never been sure what team Fury plays for).  
2\. He has a lady-friend that requires payment (or a guy-friend; whichever he prefers).  
3\. He’s a traitor of SHIELD and is plotting its demise.

  
He doesn’t really know why number three is even an option, but after everything with the Helicarrier attack, he wouldn’t be totally surprised if there were traitors inside of SHIELD already.

  
Phil approached the door to Conference Room 1 with extreme caution. For all he knew, his boss could be lip-locked with a person, whether they be a stranger or a friend or a male or female, not to mention the not-yet-dismissed theory of him building a weapon that could destroy them all. He put his hand on the door, while the other one was on his gun, preparing himself for the worst. After deciding to just get it all over with, he quickly opened the door to see what was inside.

  
Now, Phil had seen a lot of things in lifetime, some of them horrifying and some of them not. He’d seen a lot of people, some his comrades, die in the line of duty. He’d witnessed one of his best, and by far the most loyal, agent get corrupted and turned against them. He’d raised an eyebrow as he watched Clint chase a giggling Natasha with a giant feather duster. He’d even seen Maria Hill shed a tear while watching Tarzan.  
But this… this took the cake. This was something he could honestly say he’d never seen before, nor something he ever expected to see.

  
In front of him, Nick Fury was dancing. Oh, but not just dancing, he was singing too. He wasn’t terrible either, but it’s not like he could (or should) ever make a career out of it. If that wasn’t enough, the song was “Wannabe” by Spice Girls.

  
He moved around the room, earbuds in place, swaying his hips to the fast paced beat of the song, singing, “Yo I’ll tell you want what I really really want. So tell me what you want, what you really really want,” It was at this point that he began jutting out his hips to the side on every ‘I wanna’, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig ha.”

  
Phil had no idea whether he should find the sight before him horrifying or downright hilarious. So, he picked neither and elected to keep a very blank and absolutely neutral face until he could figure out how he wanted to react.  
He’d walked in on practically everyone jamming to some tunes at least once, some of those incidents more ridiculous than others; He caught Tony in his lab using his blowtorch as a microphone (luckily it was unlit at the time) belting out ACDC’s “Thunderstruck”. Bruce’s incident was more low key, as he was only humming Beethoven’s “Allegro” while he was doing some tests on SHIELD’s new weapons. Clint had been caught practicing fancy jump shots with his bow while listening to “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid” by The Offspring. He’d even caught Natasha training to Disney’s “Make a Man Out of You”. But to witness Nick Fury groove to the beat was something he never thought he’d see.

  
Fury proceeded to move side to side as he sang into his fisted hand, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Make it last forever, friendship never ends,” His face scrunched up as he tried to hit the high note (which sounded something akin to a cat hitting frigid water, “If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give. Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.”

  
It was then that Fury seemed to notice Phil’s presence. If anyone were to walk by and notice this exchange they’d probably burst out laughing. Never before had these two men wore the same expressions as they did then. Phil had apparently decided how to feel, because his expression was one of slight horror, one like a person would wear if they’d walked in on their grandmother taking a bath. Fury wore a similar expression, only instead of horror, it was one of embarrassment.

  
Phil’s mouth opened and closed as he tried again and again to form a logical response to that. So far, he’d found none. Fury was obviously trying to come up with some excuse for his dance moves, but was ultimately failing at finding one. He can’t really get away with saying, “It’s not what you think,” considering it was exactly what he thought.

  
Clearing his throat, Fury asked, “How much of that did you exactly see, Agent?”

  
“Enough to know that I’m getting a raise.” Phil responded, “If you want this to stay between us, that is.”

  
After that day, the relationship between Nick Fury and Phil Coulson was never the same. It was for the obvious reasons; the whole seeing-something-you-can’t-unsee deal, the slight loss of mutual respect, and, of course, the leverage Phil Coulson now has over the all-powerful Nick Fury. It didn’t help that Fury didn’t give him the raise. His excuse, “I’m your damn boss, and you disobeyed orders! Why should I have to give you a raise? You should have to pay me!”

  
So over the course of the next month, whenever there was a silence while those two were in the same room (which was quite often), Phil would start humming “Wannabe”. The results include strange looks from all other agents in the room and a very tense, angry, and slightly paled Nick Fury. It was soon after a prank played by Clint (Phil planted the idea in his head though, the sneaky bastard) that involved the song and a bunch of dancers, Fury finally gave Phil his raise, which ultimately bought his silence.

  
For the time being…


End file.
